We've gotta make a decision, either leave tonight or die this way...

Mood: Tired
Music: Fast Car - Tracy Chapman

So remember when we were driving, driving in your car. Speeding so fast I felt like I was drunk.
- Fast Car
- Tracy Chapman

So who's up for some angst? Because that's what I've got for you today. Last night, was totally tired, crashed at like 10-ish, hell early for a saturday night, even for a hermit like me, but before that I was listening to my iPod and this song made me think.

Who can you trust? How do you know who your true friends are? Does anyone really know you?
I mean, I've got friends, but can I really rely on them when I need to? I'd have to be pretty damn naive to think that I can trust them..well some of them. I know I can rely on some of them. Some of my friends, I know, I can't fully rely on. They're more...fair-weather friends. There for the good times, but sometimes they bail on the bad ones.

Everything is f-ed up, straight from the heart. Tell me what do you do, when it all falls up. Gotta pick myself up, where do I start? Coz I can't turn to you, when it all falls apart.
- When It All Falls Apart
- The Veronicas

I have people telling me left and right that I can trust them, and go to them when I want to talk. Sometimes I do want to talk. But I don't want to pick up the phone. Sometimes I think it's easier to talk to the voices in my head. Not the crazy voices telling me to burn things (not that I have those or anything...) but just that contemplative, occasionally hormonally driven voice that allows me to mull things over. And occasionally stress over.

So trust. It's a pretty important thing. But I don't believe what some people think. Trust isn't one of those all or nothing things. It's not like you either trust someone or you don't. There are levels of trust. For example:

No Trust At All
This is the level of trust for people you really don't like. You wouldn't even trust them to watch your jacket for ten minutes.

I Guess You're Okay
Second lowest level of trust. These are people you talk to, but you wouldn't ring them if stranded or trust them with a beloved pet.

Superficial/Gossip Trust
This level of trust is the level when you're friends with someone to a certain degree. As in you trust them with errands, and you trust them to spread gossip with. (Disclaimer: Gossip is bad. Do not gossip.)

Fair-weather Trust
This is the level of trust where you trust people to pick you up when stranded, to give advice in a crisis and to divulge details over that sordid new crush

Almost There Trust
I guess this is where I am with most of the people in my life. I don't think anyone is higher than this level. This is where you trust people to know most details of your life. You trust them with a lot of information, you tell them your thoughts, your loves, your hates. But still, not full disclosure.

Complete Trust
I think that this is the level of trust that only occurs between people who really love and care for each other. Like soul mate love. This is the level when you can tell someone all your darkest thoughts, your dirtiest secrets (like that spice girls CD you still listen to) and know that no one else will know them, and you won't get judged for it. This is the level to aspire to.

So trust. It's a huge thing. I guess you can't really survive without it. So how trusting am I? Well, I trust people pretty easily, until the superficial level. And then it's tougher going. And if you're in the top three and you break my trust? You're heading back to the superficial level, and good luck trying to climb your way higher.

So what brought this rant on? Well music, and an examination of my own life. I heard that there are two kinds of people who listen to music. Beat people and lyrics people. Beat people are people who listen and love music because it has a great beat to move to. Lyrics people look for deeper meaning, and listen to the words. Somehow, I think I'm a lyrics person :)

So go on love. Leave while there's still hope for escape. Gotta take what you can these days. There's so much ahead, so much regret. I know what you want to say. I know people can't help feeling differently. I loved you, and I should have said it, but tell me just what has it ever meant.
- Kill
- Jimmy Eat World